Gone are the days of the "Good old fashioned lover boys", and in are the days of the mutual confusion of where do we stand? The modern realm of dating is broken, and it seems that no one has a solution. Tinder, bumble, or any other dating app, you name it I've tried it.
I in fact was on Tinder back in 2012/2013 ish, which it came out in the tail-end of 2012 (September 12, 2012). I tried Hot or Not, match, FB dating, and even random apps on the Google Play store. Of course I tried in person too, but it seems that no one knows how to court one another in a modern way.
Speaking from a hetero perspectice of course, and I can't speak for the variety of other sexualities out there. I have aimed to be known as a modern gentleman, and even created my own term for it: The Charismatic Gentleman.
The point of this codex entry is to explain my trials of love.
Dating Profiles or Resumes?
It seems that you have to be just as meticulous with your Tinder bio, as you are with a Resume/Cover letter or LinkedIn. Even still I have the great disadvantage of being a male. In the online dating world women skip over most men, and practically any man they swipe right on it is a match. However with men we could literally swipe for days, that is how it often is, and we would get maybe 1-2 matches. Mind you the girls 9 times out of 10 don't reply first, even on Bumble.
I know I am not alone in this regard, as it seems to be across the board from anyone's experience of the male variety. I've even seen machines with hotdogs on the end swiping right infitely just to get a single match.
I tried all bios under the sun: highly detailed to vague and mysterious, funny and witty to pragmatic and blunt, and even blank on purpose.
Well to put it in perspectice I put the title of this section as "IRL", meaning that the context is viewed from the online world. That isn't MY point of view, but rather society as a whole. Especially since covid or the quarantine. Tiktok has been the saving grace for some however, as they MET their spouse ON the app.
The lovely story of the two people messaging via drawn on boards in the window across to the other building. Perhaps the story of the long distance romance, which was founded on the social media app. I have literally seen three couples find and get married to each other from Tiktok. One of them even has a kid now.
It is not some fantasy of the Greek Isles where you stumble upon someone on the beach.
Or some Grey fiction of what the modern love world is like.
I can't tell you how many times over the past 7 years have I tried to find someone to date through traditional means. Whether it is get the number from the "cute barista", or sing a duet with someone at Karaoke. To me the ventures to karaoke were for many reasons, not the least of them to learn to sing, but in addition to practice my social skills meeting strangers.
I've kissed, been romanced, made friends, and even got a job there. Yet never been successful at finding someone to date. What is it they say about going to the bar to find a girlfriend?
Love for the Night or Para Siempre?
The hook up culture parades itself across all mediums. Slide into the DM's, Netflix and chill, Hulu and Woohoo, or "go get their snap". Whatever it may be, the goal is often regarded as to have sex with someone.
I know that it is not what EVERYONE wants, but it is in our biological nature. We are primitive beings driven by the urge to reproduce. Fighting that isn't natural, but it is common in our modern world. I strive to channel that sexual energy towards doing something productive personally.
Not only am I fighting a culture of sexual encounters being the dominant idea, but I also have to prove I am not one of those kind of people. I've surprisingly been called a "fuck boy" by someone, although I doubt that person even gave an ounce of care to get to know me.
Why as a Hopeful Romantic I'm Not BUILT for Love
After another failed connection, albeit flawed from the start honestly, there seems to be a pattern going on here. I try to be open, direct, honest, which are all traits people say they want. However perhaps I'm overbearing, talkatively annoying, or too honest, or maybe it is just literally not the right time.
I've never said this public before, but I have always deep down in my guy, felt that there was someone out there for me. I can't explain the notion, it isn't logical, it isn't grounded in fact, certainly not Astrology, but I feel it there. At some points in my life even more deeply for whatever reason.
That feeling of longing, not because of lonliness, but rather the notion that there is someone out there waiting. That is what kept me going, kept me trying, and now I think I am to stop.
I've never been one to give up before.
It seems that at this point in my life maybe I just need to focus on the business of my content, my skills, my family, and my life. Something that is often said too (twice to me over the past week even), is that "once you stop looking, that is when you find it". Perhaps that is applied to other things in life too, but it seems strong with the love aspect.
I don't know how to finish this codex entry. It isn't a blog post, I don't really even intend on people reading it, and hell maybe I don't even want them to. I am writing because it sorts my thoughts, it is something I may want to look back on and remember bittersweetly, and I gotta move on somehow.
Life stops for no one.