No this doesn't have to do with the superheroes of a similar name, or even comic books at all. The idea originates from the true definition of what it means to be a man, and how to go about becoming that. Whether you're a Stoic, Christian, Atheist, your belief system doesn't matter. For the actions you take in life are only in part influenced by those aspects. We can extend our morals and mindsets to greater levels.
Achieving a gentleman status is not a one time thing, but rather a constant progression. As well as self-assessment to realize what needs improving, and how can you become a better man tomorrow.
Note: Although the idea is to target the male gender in this post and topic, the applicable actions, or morals can be applied to any gender. Just simply becoming a better person, and pursuing a higher standard of life.
Now take this post to heart, and discover what can you do to follow the code!
The Legend of the Bro Code
I thought this would be a good place to start given how prevalent it is in young men's lives. I've even been known to cite the bro code from time to time, and there is nothing wrong with that.
However I do feel that to understand how to become a Charismatic Gentleman, one must surpass the bro code as moral conduct guidelines. In fact every person on the planet lives by their own moral code, for it is how humanity is inherently. Our nature is to learn new information and wisdom, then incorporate it in some way. One of my guests on the PolyCast had only spent time with Western Philosophy, granted to a super deep level of understanding. However that person lacked understanding of the Eastern Philosophies, and more importantly how they related to each other. I of course did my part to try and share those connections, for the conversation was phenomenal.
Point being however we both are limited in our scope of what we have learned in our life, and I would argue we are further along than most people in that realm.
To say that no one knows where the bro code began is an understatement, for bros have been following it "from the beginning of time". However it could easily be said that Barney from How I Met Your Mother is someone who popularized it. The great Neil Patrick Harris or NPH, who played the character even took it a step farther and made a book/audiobook to follow by.
The ideas shared mainly pertain to the sexual life NPH's character leads, but the ideas remain the same. To respect your bros, and to live a full life.
If you want to listen to the playlist of the code of conduct.
Living in Accordance to Morals
While the bro code is a bit one sided to the male gender, it does lead men to establish their own code of conduct. I hope that it helps be a starting point for people to realize what their capacities are.
Allowing for the realization that a person can growth more, and that there are many if not infinite levels to attain.
Religion often plays a part in one's morality code, but in my experience it often blinds people rather than enlightens them. We are stuck in the tribal state of whoever I believe in is better than your belief system. I mean look at 90% of all wars throughout history. One nation believing their moral code is better than another regions, and leading to a highly immoral action of war.
Now I'm not saying I am aganist war, but in this case the wars described were often brutal unnecessarily, such as the crusades, Israeli–Palestinian conflict, etc.
The point is that one should attain to the highest potential that one person can reach. If you can go to the stars, then you should.
Perhaps this is the idea of the Ubermensch or Uberman of Nietzsche's work, but again trying to reach a level greater than the average person.
The League's Code:
This idea of becoming a better man is what drove me into Self-Development, then I realized Self-Improvement came into a factor of how I live my life. Through my actions of daily habits and compound actions, the life I wanted to live is being carved out.
Eventually it got to the point where I realized I need to portray my life and learnings in a new and unique way.
"Living one's life in just basic actions or output, is a testiment to one's own failure to achieve. Living a simple life is an insult to the gift that is our own existence, and we should strive for a better tomorrow. The PolyInnovation of each of our lives is just that: innovating. Taking into account the input, transcribing it into our own thought and words, then outputting to a new thing after. Taking the foundation of knowledge and improving consistently, then taking the exponential factor of growth to implement into your life. Once those happen you have the choice of how to present your findings to the world. That action of branding and presentation is how people end up perceiving you. Your reputation relies on your output, and how you share your knowledge and wisdom through actions.
-Dustin M. PolyInnovator
The creed of the League is subject to change, just as any person is liable to change. Such is the way of the universe and life itself.
A Real Man; A Man's Man; Machismo
I think a real man is someone who is able to compose themselves to a high standard, cleans up well, treats all people with respect, and lives a virtuous life. Sure there are more things to being a strong person, but those are the ones specific to the male variety I would say.
Choosing to take the high road even if it is hard.
Crazy Stupid Love's Jacob
I thought that Ryan Gosling's character in said movie is a good example of someone who embodies a lot of strong male traits. Although given his arc throughout the movie he realizes he had much more to learn.
There was still a bit of arrogance, being pushy, and overall completely sex driven mentality. However when taken out of that context the other traits, of being confident, having a high class style, and as he does towards the end of the movie having a strong respect for women. That is what makes him a good example of a real man.
Here is an interesting analysis of the character. Note that the opinions in the video do not reflect the League's opinions!
Toxic Masculinity and Misogyny
The "Alpha Male" or the men above all sort of mentality leads to a toxic mindset real quick. Growing up I looked into the whole idea of an alpha male, and trying to become one made me realize that wasn't the path.
Everyone at the time believed in the "tribe mentality", where we were similar to wolf packs with alphas/omegas/betas, which has since been proven false. EVEN IN WOLF PACKS. It is just something someone made up a long time ago, that people still hold onto.
Now the idea of alpha or beta or even omegas does entertain the thought of some people are less confident than others, and those who can portray a strong demeanor can be seen as an "alpha". There lies a slippery slope though, and one should not strive to attain such a status. Rather attain a respectable rapport with people through intellectual dialogues, and mutual win-win scenarios.
Just to touch on the misogyny part, the idea of being an "alpha male" often leads men to go down a primitive path and mindset. Thinking they are better than others, and oftentimes those others being of the female gender. Leading to the toxic masculinity mentioned before. We should not perceive ourselves better than others, whether it is true or not, it doesn't matter.
Giving others the chance to have the same respect as anyone else. The only time I can think of where someone should achieve a greater level of respect, is if that person has done some sort of honorable deed. Such as saving someone's live for example. Even then that is a temporary situation.
Gentlemen and Leaders Honor Code
Given the tribal idea of an alpha, in the most basic sense these are the desirable traits that someone in that tribe leader status (regardless of gender) would embody. Although that idealism has been morphed into the modern version, which lacks substance.
Having the physical strength to fend off attackers or animals, and be able to carry the wounded back to camp. Allowing for the strength to be a trait meant for building up the community.
The modern interpretation is having big muscles or being able to be "topdog", and that leads to toxicity. Whether it is picking on someone weaker, or being overly arrogant about their bodies.
To be honest I have been accused of being arrogant, but for me I wasn't trying to be. The point of my words on my muscular structure are often to try and motivate people. Let alone relish in my accomplishments that have taken me over an decade to acquire. I was always the skinny kid getting picked on, but now I can do the opposite: Be the big muscular person who builds people up instead.
This is an interesting topic because what does it really mean to be courageous? There is even an intelligence type around this concept. In the old world it may have had to do with the actions you took. Did fall back when something attacked? Or did you go straight for the attack to protect people?
Did you have the courage to go outside the norm? That I think is the modern equivalent. Not afraid to go aganist the grain/sheep herding, and following your own path.
There is a great podcast around going aganist the traditional way of life, and saying Screw it to the Stigma. Perhaps it can help you build awareness in your life!
A man (person in general) should have a wide range of knowledge, as well as a deep specialism. Knowing that this blog is mostly known for polymathy, and being a generalist it may be weird for you to read this!
However balance is key, and in my personal opinion one should have both. I make my content around polymathy to build up those who pursue a wide range of interests. I think those people need the support, after 100+ years of suppression. Although most generalists often aren't opposed to finding a specialty, in fact they often go to have 3-4 or more of them ( deep level of knowledge mind you).
It is the specialists however that I find often lack the balance of both. Having a wide range helps you in various situations. Both personally and professionally, and that builds up the importance of your specialty more. A T-shaped person is far more adaptable and valuable, than an I-shaped one.
Living your life to a moral compass.
Where you might discover the idea of honor depends on where you were born, however no matter what religion or belief you practice honor is often the same. Just explained in different ways. The ways of the Ronin in ancient Japan is remarkably similar to the ways of the western cowboy.
Not to mention the world of martial arts is ever ingrained in the ideals of an honorable life.
The point of today's post is to show you that there are multiple ways of looking at honor, and how to live your life. This post is just my version or viewpoint on those ways.
The Complete Man
"Achieve Ultimate Performance, Fulfillment and Victory in EVERY Area of Your Life"
A book written to help modern men, from a man who has had the deep knowledge of how someone should live their life. I would know I interviewed the gentleman on the Polymath Polycast in the past year. From his stage presence alone you could feel a respect for him. He commanded the stage, but not in a negative way. His story was fascinating, and he only shared a fraction of his book's information. Yet the interview was over an hour long.
The book is sitting on my bookself, and I even got the kindle/audible versions as well. Purely because it was that helpful, and I wanted to go back to it again in the future.
Constantly improving, aiming for greater heights, taking care of your family, and realizing that being a man isn't about being better than others. Rather taking a charismatic gentleman approach.
Honorable Daily Actions
How you make yourself on a daily basis becomes who you are in the future. You are the manifestation of all of your prior habits and actions.
You can make it easier by compounding your actions, but it still takes time and patience. I have been holding off on finishing this blog post for about a week now, and today I took a moment to do a couple small things, that progressively got bigger, until I had the snowball momentum to work on this post.
I want my actions today to reflect how I see myself.
Yes, it still exists.
Be courteous to people, open the doors for them, give them adequate space, and don't judge them much on their appearance. I know it is natural for any person to judge upon meeting someone, we judge books by their cover without even realizing it. Understanding that and trying to make sure you don't do that takes strength, and practice.
Always aim to be the most honorable in the room, and if you can't... then try harder.
Self-Care and Self-Development
The Strongmen of the early 19th century were known for lifting crazy amounts of weight, and being of such pure muscular physique. However most people don't know that they often did tons of calisthenics, and taking care of their body in numerous ways.
It comes down to balance, one cannot simply pick up 200lbs without having the deep muscle strength to support the weight. This is why a lot of modern power lifters or crossfitters get hurt because they don't cover the basics super well.
Always striving for a better life, and doing things such as learning or exercise to improve one's own current condition.
Aiming for Greater Heights
A modern charismatic gentleman should always aim for new levels of achievement. Whether that is in their personal life, professional, or even love life. If you only last 3 mins in bed, make it 4, then 10, then 30, etc. If you are "done" with school, find a new course, or a new needed/wanted skill to spend your time learning.
If you find yourself stagnant in life it is because you have not had a reason to go outside your comfort zone. In order to gain new levels in your life, you must step out of your zone, but in order to do that you have to have a reason.
Stoicism and Self-Reliance
Having the ability to think internally, and percieve the world without a lens is a tough nut to crack. So to speak. Stoicism revolves around the idea of "the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint."
Having the ability to realize that the situation in front of you is happening, not happening to you personally. Anyone or anything can only impact you PERSONALLY if you let it effect you.
Sometimes it comes down to self-reliance, for if you build your own success in life then you realize you don't have to rely on others to build you up. It is a freeing notion, but also realize as well not to turn away help if you need it. #balance
Charisma and Being Gregarious
It is my belief, as well as many others shared here via videos or links, that being charismatic is a big part of being a man. Whether or not that is who you are isn't important. I was naturally gregarious, and so extroverted in a way. However I still needed to learn how to be charismatic. Sometimes it was watching videos on it, and other times putting it to practice via going out to karaoke. It was my testing grounds at being the most interesting man.
My Story of Karaoke...
In one of the videos on this post I shared, they talked about grit, and that got me thinking. I literally taught myself how to sing by going to karaoke religiously for years. 3-4 nights a week, and I didn't have a car either. Meaning I often walked 45 min both ways, unless I could find a ride, Thanks Johnny!
My time there started at age of 19 when a couple of my friends brought me to the dive bar known as Eastside Tavern. From there it took a while for me to come back, let alone regularly, but as I started going more and more I even became a VIP. This I think is because when I went I would go around and try to make people's night better. My enjoyment of the place came from the people.
Whether it was my stage presence making people feel excited or soulful, or perhaps being a floater and joining various tables to unite the crowd. Even causing a 16+ circle of people dancing. Or another time when I sang one of my staples "Can you feel the love tonight - Elton John" I had the whole crowd sitting and waving their lights back and forth.
The feeling of being someone who is interesting and charismatic was my ideal, and my motivation was to make people (including myself) happy. Let alone learning how to sing! :D
Extrovert, Introvert, Ambivert, or Gregavert?
Here is what I will say first on this, it doesn't really matter. Some would think the skills better suit an extrovert...maybe. Although sometimes the over communication can become an issue.
The opposite can be said for introversion, as being able to communicate is very important. Now people come in all levels of the spectrum, and I personally am an Ambivert, which is a surprise to many. Although for how much time I spend at home alone, then it starts to make sense.
I even came up with a new word, Gregavert, and no it is not for the people named Greg out there. Rather it is taking the idea of a personality, and layering it with being gregarious. It doesn't matter where you are on the personality trait spectrum, but simply how you act when in various environments and contexts. So even if you're introverted, being true to yourself, but also understanding how the people in the room feel.
That is a massive power up for introverts, for if you can read people well, then it allows you to position yourself accordingly. Especially if you need a moment to yourself.
Extroverts are overjoyed in that situation, as it gets them to stretch their wings in a way, but still have to learn the dynamics of the context.
In any case being a Gregavert on top of your regular personality trait, is like wearing a party skin, and it helps a lot at how you are percieved. Even to yourself!
The Most Interesting Man in the World
This character intrigues me so much, and the concept of being the most interesting man always motivated me. When I would go to karaoke, or try to interact with a stranger I try to channel my inner most interesting man.
For context here are the commercials:
The Dos Equis brand created him to create an interesting ad, and they didn't realize it would go over so well. They ended up making more, and even fans requesting more.
The classic Spanish guitar in the background, with his amazing feats/stories/and demeanor. He channeled his Argentinian friend's accent and vocal patterns, and gave the suave speech to give the character life.
Speaking slow, confident, controlled, and as he said " it is never too early to start beefing up your obituary."!
I wanted to include this ^ topic in all of the sections above, but I realized that the character applies to all of them. Meaning it lead to a good way of wrapping it all up together.
He is a mix of James Bond, Ryan Reynolds, and Zoro.
He is not alpha, but he is on top of the room's energy.
He is chivalrous, and yet people are chivalrous to him first.
He is not a Real man, for he is a Complete Man.
The Future of the League
There is a lot more to be discussed on what makes a modern day man or gentleman. One could even extend the idea of the Gentlemen Scholars of Benjamin Franklin's time, or the Freemasons as examples of people getting ever better.
This post idea came to me in an Alpha Wave brain state in the shower, where I was thinking about what kind of man I want to be. One of my clients called me a gentleman, and that is exactly how I desire to come across. People misconstrue my flirtatiousness or friendly behavior, as if I was pursuing each person I come across. However this couldn't be further from the truth. I desire someone who will challenge me, and I them, and allow ourselves to grow together.
Simple bonds over coitus, or just simply mindless dating isn't something I make time for in my life. Neither should you. As Gentlemen of the League we should strive for a better future of humanity, by first starting with ourselves.