The Modern Courtship

TL:DR | Dating the modern sense is weird to say the least. To say the most it fucking sucks. Between an ocean of apps, to the awkwardness of some people who can't communicate in real life. There are a wealth of challenges.

4 min read
The Modern Courtship

Dating in any generation is weird if you really look at it, and we really have grown more and more efficient. From dating apps to a more judgemental society. I don't even think that the judging is a bad thing either, for our brains naturally assess. If we see someone, then we automatically calculate how attractive they are to us, and even if we would sleep with them or not. All without doing it consciously.

The power dynamics of courtships have always seem one sided, but in truth it is balance. A dance, or even a game. That thrill of the game or chase, is what drives us to pursue someone. The subtle glance, flirty demeanor, witty banter, and I could go on.

Even in the days of when "courtship" in it's definitive essence, there was a level of play by both sides. Men would typically want to be the hero, and women to be swept off their feet. Mind you this is a generalization of the past, and more of a corrupt view. As not only has that changed for the most part, it over simplifies the gender dynamic.

An example would be if a lady was fancying a man she past, she would "accidentally" drop her handkerchief, and the man would rise us to give it to her. Thus sparking the conversation, and pursuit from there.


I am not trying to ascend some sort of patriarchy via this post, nor am I describing how it is for every circumstance. I respect people of all backgrounds, and everyone is different. In fact that is a prime motivator behind this post, so that people can consciously remember that each and every courtship is different.

Respect people's individualization.

Learn to play the Game.

Now that the rules are set ^, then we can begin to dig into the mindset of a courtier. Whether this is for someone who is gay, straight, bi, it doesn't matter. You just simply need to adjust your perspective, and the patterns that are presented here. Growing up around strong women has given me a perspective of how to incorporate the feminine energy, but I had to learn the masculine.

Just as my principle in life, one must find balance in the energies. Some men are more feminine, and some women are masculine. Given the experience I have is that of the hetero, then this post is geared towards that dichotomy. Although can be applied in other orientations.

The hook.

Just like in any content piece like video or blog, there is a hook, something that grabs the other person's attention. It could be your garb, your face, personality (if somehow visible at a party or something), or even your reputation if spread widely enough. Either way your first impression does matter, as they say we don't judge a book by it's cover.... but we do. That is what the cover is for.

Meaning dress for success, and that can even be a lead cause to start conversation. A women complimenting a guy's tie, or vice versa 😉, and using that physical production to start a conversation.

It is all about the conversation, and even more so the sub-text during it. The body language your potential person portrays, the micro-expressions (if you're fast enough to catch them), and even the tonality behind the words.

Use these factors to your advantage in your hook as well, for example adjust your body language to orientate yourself towards the person you are courting.

My Experience.

Although I am a romantic at heart, or a Casanova in charisma, there is a distinct difference. That is that I am picky, if one were to catch my attention it usually means a lot. However it means a lot more when someone keeps it, as an opportunist I'm bound to keep moving on.

That is not to say I don't get attached, in fact if I like someone I usually get attached pretty quickly. It is that romanticism at play I think.

I've never been a player or "Fuck boy" as some dudes are referred to as, and ironically someone even called me that. Although the definition is that of a guy willing to say anything so that he can get you into bed. Yet I almost consider myself asexual, as although I have a high libido when I am interested in someone, that is quite rare of an occurrence. It almost seems contradictory, but it is a matter of pickiness once again.

A Soulful Connection

I find myself in a spiritual place sometimes, where I feel like there is someone out there. That romantic thought process I think is super sweet, but it can also make it difficult to date. That is why I approach any potential suitor to be their own person, which is what you should do. However making the conscious effort to be open-minded, and not compare them to any preconceived notions is not an easy task. It is weird to try and be on the look out for a "soul-mate", but also not see that in each person you come across. lol

A bit of a hopeful romantic.

All in All, Modern Dating is Weird

It is no longer go get a milkshake and hold hands. There are countless levels of dating, and with the advent of dating apps they add to the complexity. Some people only date via apps, some in person, and some with both. I tried the apps, and they don't work. I tried in person, at least at bars or stores, and it doesn't seem to work either. I'm not really sure what I need to do, but I just stay open minded as best I can.

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