I'm beginning to think that it never gets better. Look we all are not going to get younger, and the passage of time only moves forward. At least outside of the theoretical realms.
I'm constantly tormented by the thoughts on the passage of time. Whether it is a handful of hours during a shift, or the various decades that make up of our life. The vastness of scale is really agnostic to my perception, as I see it all as one. One life. One path. If anything one experience stretched to the edges of one's own existence.
I can't escape the mental yearning for completion. I used to write about in the Fireside Codex about being "Obsessed with Progression". The idea of progression actually came from my roommate, whom mentioned it in the vain of video games. However it applies to life itself as well, and I can't escape that connotation.
The Escape of Years
I find myself fearful of the future, simply because I feel like I am not progressing at the rate that I should be. Ironically that may just be because of the various sci-fi fiction I consume personally, making me think that there is some sort of constant to strive for. However it is more or less something to attain through perseverance rather than perfection.
I seem to think that everyone is operating at 100% all of the time, when that is clearly not the case. Personally I always wanted to think that every day starts the same, but time doesn't work that way. Some days you wake up late (today being one of those days), and other days you wake up early (have extra time for tasks).
Being a champion of your own life is key to pursuing the life you want.
I find myself constantly thinking about the future, and I love how in these Fireside Codex entries I can be myself. That isn't because of any external factor, but I'd limit how much I'd share in regular blog posts.
Since I treat these fireside codex entries as a public journal of sorts, then all goes essentially. Which is extremely freeing in the mindset realm of writing. As I am not constrained to the frames of writing that normal posts would be beholdened to.
I should be writing posts like these more, as they are the progression markers of my life. When I'm old and gray, then I would be looking back on these moments with clarity of whats to come. The realization that my work is progressing towards something, and not all sustained by hope.
Action equals progression, in at least some way.
I find that I am striving towards a goal each year, even if I truly realize it or not by the end of the year. In a positive circumstance I have achieved the various goals that I set out, whether consciously or unconsciously.
I'd always base my current choices on where I would envision myself being in. Yet I can't see the future, no one can really, and I should act as if I was in the moment. In reality I am in.
This sort of thought process happens in retrospect frustratingly enough, and if only we could understand that in the moment.
The Flow... Of Time
I love how some of these fireside posts get made, as they come from the raw essence of my consciousness. Tonight I feel more open to sharing my experience, and so the ego part of the mind isn't blocking me from speaking my truth.
We all have that ego in the pre-frontal cortex blocking us from true expression.
That isn't necessarily a fault, but rather an integral part of human existence. However through various means we can mitigate that limitation.
I hope that over the course of the events that make up my life, that I am able to feel fulfilled that I did my best towards the goals I set out to achieve. This post came from the mindset that I wasn't pursuing my goals towards current projects this evening. I was tired from work, and didn't want to work. I love writing, and the expression that comes from it, and so this journal entry came naturally.
However it isn't progression necessarily, but rather the expression alone itself.
Either way I hope that in any case, I am able to keep making steps towards the eventual reality of success.
I hope to write most of these codex entries in the state of flow, or rather the state of feeling something. I think this is a prime example doing such a thing.