Not where I want to be

TL:DR | I've been struggling with the thoughts that I am not where I need to be. I've tried to do huge sprints to try and catch up. However my systems have changed, and that limits my output. Not to mention a lack of motivation.

4 min read

I've been struggling the last few months, or rather years, at this notion that I am not where I want to be. Not where I NEED to be.

This feeling I am sure is common in people my age, or perhaps at this stage of life (regardless of age). I felt behind back in 2019, and back then I was solely doing Modegree and "PolyInContent" content. I was working at the ARC still, and I felt like I was burning out.

Then 2020 hit, and I needed to work at the ARC still. For both necessary income, but also to help my people recover after being away for a long while.

It is also when I started doing interviews, which took all of my time outside of my job. I probably even did TOO MANY, as it caught up to me in the next year or so, and having to do DAILY uploads. Which almost lead me to burn out as well.

However by focusing on interviews my other content fell behind even more.

Interviews have propelled me forward as a creator in so many ways, so it was definitely the right decision (maybe I shouldn't have done as many, but I am glad I pulled it off still).

It seems like I've been spinning too many plates, but not switching/interleaving them at optimal intervals.

I'm good at balancing many endeavors, but I haven't been doing it well with this. Now this isn't a dig at myself, or even really complaining. Rather it is me pointing it out, and I've been trying to optimize it more and more.

I think if I can get into a rythym more, then I'd be able to focus on the big things.

Last year I did a really good job for the first half of the year creating content at a consistent rate. I basically was behind all year, but I was almost doing daily content. Or at least 3-4+ a week, and that was before I really updated my newsletters. So I only really had one newsletter to worry about.

The reason I did those post was that I had a lot in the backlog I wanted to get out into the world, but this year I have almost purely done my newsletters and interviews ONLY.

Skipping things like the Fireside Micro Polycast episodes, or the PolyInContent, which are important things for me to do!!

I created an optimal schedule, which also included my Gaming and Livestream content as well. Although I think I need to hold off on that still. I hoped that this year would be the year I'd start that sub-brand. However I think I need to sacrifice something to be consistent with the main part of my content ecosystem.

Since that is the newest, and it takes a ton of work. I think it needs to be postponed.

That is disappointing because I feel like it would be my QUICKEST sub-niche to gain a following. The swimming and content sub-niches are more medium growth rate subjects.

Another "series" if you will, are these fireside codex entries, or essentially public journals. I don't write them for others, but I also don't feel like I need to keep them in a private notebook/obsidian vault.

However I made this series to be a channel for me to process my thoughts, and express myself when I can't do it anywhere else. Although I've failed to make these posts I think because I put too much pressure on making them as a series. When they are like the Fireside MicroPolyCast where it is simply when I feel like making them.

They give me freedom to create content without the rules and formatting of "professional content". So I decided to stop making thumbnails for these, and just simply write. Like I am doing today.

In addition to the various content I need to produce, there are a plethora of blog post ideas I have in the backlog that are eating away at me. If I could just get them out I'd be able to focus better on the more important stuff.

Now getting to what is eating at me are my jobs at this moment. As of this writing the pool is closing in my complex, and there isn't anywhere else I can really teach over the winter. Meaning that income is shot until Summer. Karaoke is something that is so sporadic I cannot count on it.

I have three things going forward. Not sure how much I can talk about the actual roles, but I'll try to describe them.

  • One is a freelancing gig for podcasters and creators. Part time work, but it helps my friends in the space with skills I know well.
  • One is essentially working in a discord a few hours a day, but a good/simple part time job.
  • The last is probably the most up in the air, a contract job, that went from full time to just a limited number of hours a week. Not sure how to feel about that, but perhaps it will give me more time to focus on PolyInnovator.

Each have their place, and I'm sort of excited as one of my most productive time periods for PolyInnovator was when I was working 3 jobs at once. Barely had any time inbetween, and so I had to really work hard to get things done.

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