I've found myself aching, exhausted, and a weird dull/sharp pain in my arm to back. It is the best way to describe that situation, but regardless it doesn't seem serious. I hope it isn't a strain, but that is what it seems like. No matter how you prepare the night before, think the morning of how the day is going to be, or even pull through it; There is always some sort of surprise.
Life is often like the journey of climbing up a mountain. You never know what you'll find.
The Original Journey
On a daily basis I made a vow to myself (and really to you all too) that I would do two things each day this year. One do 20 push ups in the morning (or at least at some point in the day), and create one Fireside Codex Entry a day.
I'm currently writing this at 11:17 PM, and I got the push ups done about 20 minutes ago. Safe to say today was off! Before I continue on with this somewhat pity fest with philosophy thrown in; I'd like to mention that I had two fantastic guests today on the show, and was able to teach my fitness class.
Even if I was struggling to garner energy, or alleviate my pain, I still really enjoyed those moments with those magnificent people.
Crawling Across a Treadmill of Progression
One of my old posts I explained how I am obsessed with being successful. Honestly I think you have to be, otherwise you would give up, and many people have. Maybe in an alternate timeline I would, but I feel that this is the 616 universe. I can't give up. I won't.
Progression is a fickle thing. How do we quantify it? What do we do to achieve it? What defines success? How do we keep ourselves from self-destructing?
My favorite story is that of when I did 300 push ups.
In this section I put links to songs that resonated with me in those circumstances. Some of them are the literal songs I was listening to in those moments.
Regardless of how I felt I kept getting back up. Even when I fell on my face, basically this close to perhaps breaking my nose. I would not give up. I told myself I had to do it, and when push came to shove I did.
Today I felt that I had a similar experience, albeit much lower with only the daily 20 I mentioned earlier, but with the physical state I have been in today it was excruciating.
I felt like oh I can stop at 10, oh 20 isn't going to be so bad, it is a small number in comparison to your past. Given the extra pain in the arm, but even just holding myself up hurting because of the full body aches caused me to drop.
No matter many I did in a row, 5/4/3/2/1, which the latter two were more likely. I would have to rest for a moment. Let myself collect my muscle pain back, and muster up the courage to get back up.
For some reason a flash of a battle comes to mind in those circumstances. I know, that is super random. However it makes me think of the final battle of a boss in a video game. You have 1hp left, or at least low, and out of potions/shields/spells etc. You get that penultimate blow that knocks you down to the final hit point and to the ground.
Do you stay there? Ready to game over, or do you push yourself back up off the ground?
One more analogy/experience.
Despite being vivid in my head I do find it hard to put this into words. Most of my life (almost said adult life), I had been a walker, and I would simply walk to wherever I needed to go. For example my last year of school I didn't have a car, and I was part time. I ended up being able to leave early, but the city bus would be an hour wait. I could walk it in 45min, so I did.
I did the same for work, and I often took a path that went into a field near my home. Now I don't recall what caused the soreness/pain, but I remember being in just a complete full body ache (like I am now actually).
I think the day prior I had worked out profusely, which certainly didn't help my situation. The day of I had been working, and was exhausted from the hours I spent in the pool. During that time I had been teaching swim lessons a lot, which takes up a lot of energy. I often taught them out of the pool if they were older, but even then spending hours in an enclosed pool is hard on the body/lungs.
As I am walking home I feel the lag in my leg's movement, the tenseness in my chest, my arms and back aching. Yet I wasn't just going to stop there, and I wasn't going to collapse. Even if I felt like doing so, that wasn't going to happen.
I turned my song into the motivation I needed to make it to my home, but it honestly felt like I was crawling across that field every step I took.
I'll keep up the pace
And I'll reveal my strength
To the whole human race
Survival - Muse
The sorrows of yesterday won't help you today, and the worries of tomorrow won't come to you today. Choosing to act in the moment, whether that means you have to keep up the strength to do the push ups when your body aches, or perhaps pull that all nighter for your business to thrive.
Every genius has a touch of madness.
I won't Stop
I have failed so much, and I didn't even realize it until I had to think about it for this line. Despite being the kind of person to worry about things I have been able to find my peace with mistakes. Whether it is because of Stoicism, Buddhism, or both I don't know.
Just need to take that next step forward, even if it is built on crawls.
Listen to Yourself
I do want to warn you that you need to listen to your body. There is a good chance that I could have hurt myself with those push ups if my body was strained or overworked. I have been sleeping a lot lately, which could mean that my body needs time to recover. I don't think I have the vid. 🤞
Perhaps after a night's sleep I could have felt a lot better, and could have done 40 tomorrow. Instead of insisting that I did 20 today, but that isn't what I told myself to do. I said to do 20 a day, and I have failed at that. Then had to do 40 in one day.
Last year actually (or was it 2019?) I was doing 100 push ups a day for about a month and half, but of course had to stop. I was burning out physically, and needed to recover.
This is the way. 😢
I don't cry, unless someone is terminal or something, there are very little times that I'd shed a tear. I'd feel like I'd get close, but I stop it.
I can't explain my emotions right now. I feel sad, burnt out (from the day), and overall just happy to be here. I think about where I was, where I'm meant to be, and where I am at now. A journey of a thousand miles, starts with a single step, but I want to sprint. Instead it feels like I'm crawling.
My Dreams, Desires, and Determination.
Whether it is the cosmic web being weaved into a destiney I am fulfilling, or I am simply someone who is a bit mad in the head. There is certainly a reason for my behavior, and I feel that I am making the right decision.
In the end that is what matters.