Now I should say I'll be approaching this from a hetero point of view, and thus it may be different here and there for other orientations.

As a man I also do have to approach dating from a different stance too, as traditionally we are expected to pay, or initiate the date in the first place. Etc.

However I wanted to go over how I think dating should be, and touch on a few points here and there. This isn't a how to get women type of post. Just something that anybody can use as a guide to date well.

1st, 2nd, 3rd Date

Look this is where a lot of people mess this up. The first date is just simply a time and place, where you meet to see if you are compatible. More importantly than even that, it is where you decide if you want to be friends with that person, want to romance/court them, or if you want nothing to do with them.

I think men understand this a bit more, which is why a lot of the time men tend to ask people on a coffee date. Conversely, women tend to understand the 2nd/3rd dates more. (Generalizations, but seem to be commonly true).

The first date is meant to be simple, lowkey, low cost*, and shouldn't be anything more than that. If the other person expects something extravagant for a first date, then that is quite a red flag. They don't know you, not yet, and they shouldn't have such an expectation for a first planned encounter.

Mind you, you're more than welcome to make it more romantic. Buying the girl a flower, choosing to hold his hand, or anything like that. In fact that is more of what I personally lean towards. I would rather make it more than just a simple meeting, and it all just depends on the person you are going on the date with.

Some examples of good first dates would be a coffee shop, brunch, maybe a gym if you are both active, or even just going for a walk in the park. Just as long as you have the ability to talk to each other.

The second date is where things get more interesting. This could be less talk, and more things to do. I.e. Escape room (I don't think it is wise to do on a first date in particular, like some people are doing), putt putt (overdone), bowling/arcade, or even a movie. As talking isn't as important this time around, it is still important though, but really you want to see how the person interacts with others.

How the person handles under pressure (i.e. losing a game, or trying to do the escape room), etc. This goes for both men and women too.

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Finally the 3rd date is probably what most people have been envisioning the first date to be. The dressing up to go to a fine dining restaurant, or something like that. While certainly you can do it for the previous two dates, it is more about building up to that. Letting the tension build.

Learn about the person in the first date verbally, learn about the person in the second date experientially, and then on the 3rd date get to know them more emotionally.

After this point it is more up to you both to figure out where you want to go from there.

If I go on "X" amounts of dates with someone, are we dating?

First and foremost, this depends on the person. One person might consider it dating, and the other will not. Meaning you need to adequately communicate with the other person!

I would argue that 1-2 dates, is NOT dating the person. You are still trying to see if they are worth your time or not. This is counter to a lot of other people's thoughts, as they would say ANY date means you are dating a person.

Again everyone is different.

However to me I would ALSO say that 2-3 dates, that you ARE dating the person.

Well how does that make sense? You said 1-2 first, and then 2-3 second. Both can't be true, right?

This is simply how I am picturing the dating experience, from a systems point of view. I'm not the type of guy that will have a roster of people, or be going on a vast amount of dates at a time. Even though statistically that is how the most successful daters find their spouse (but that's a topic for a different post).

To me I would be putting all of my thought into that first, second, and third date. If I ask you out, then that means I am interested.

I'm going to be putting my focus on getting to know you, and not someone else.

Overall this is a simple outline of how dating starts

Every person is different, how that person dates is different, and you should respect the other person's boundaries. However you should also explain your own, and if they don't meld with you (and you them); Then you aren't compatible.

Maybe one person prefers intimate dates, where you can be together out in public, but it isn't noisy or busy. Something like a book store, or walk in the park.

Conversely, the other person may prefer doing something with the person. Going to a salsa lesson together, doing karaoke (my favorite thing to go out for), etc.

Find out what the other person likes by asking them.