I've been stuck in a loop, both for the past few months, and for as long as I can remember. What I mean by that is my life goes in sprints. I was talking about this on a Twitter space recently, and wanted to write out my thoughts.

Some weeks I work more in a creative way, with an output of content or something created. Other weeks I am voraciously reading, and spending a ton of time inputting/learning.

That is the grand loop I have been in for a long time, and probably even longer than I originally thought.

The Smaller Loop

I feel really stressed as of late, for one when my "purse strings" are tight, then I often get extra stressed. Meaning when my fiscal part of life is not up to par, then it distracts me from everything else. Perhaps it is a Mazlo thing, or maybe just a survival mechanism.

Although when I get into this state I have a hard time focusing on anything else, even if those things could lead me out of the state. Such as creating enough content will get me to a point where I could perhaps pay my bills from the income (thereby creating more content).

I have spent a decent amount of time looking for local or remote jobs, and a significant amount of time looking into cruise jobs. However as it turns out that may not be the best plan given how covid changed things on that front.

My loop as of late has been that of "I should be creating content!!", me getting mad at myself for not creating, which causes more stress. Then that stress causes me to do something other than creating content. A downward spiral.

Escaping the Rat Race

It is essentially the same idea as the rat race of life, and trying to get out of financial poverty. I am not poor, but simply broke. That is the problem, and it is frustrating.

I think an additional loop that I'll mention is that of the romantic endeavors. I am a deeply affectionate person. If I feel a passion towards someone I show it, and that often can come across too strong. Thereby leading them away.

I think the same mentality towards my financial situation, should also be applied to any sort of romantic conundrum. Simply seeing it as a means of the current situation, and not that of a permanent endeavor. Something along those lines will come later from hard work, and focus on what is important.

For once in my life I feel detached, which is a scary feeling. However I am no longer attached to my job of ten years, I am no longer attached to any woman in my life (in a romantic way I mean), and I spend a lot of time with family. Which means I don't have anything anchoring me to where I am at in life.

If I can detach from my city, then I think that would be the next great step.

In order to get there though I need to produce more income.