I am conflicted.

I am conflicted because I constantly find myself asking this one question: Is this going to help me with my goals?

Years back I remember being on my computer thinking to myself how am I going to be able to make time for all the things I want to do. Now I guess almost a half a decade later I find myself doing a lot of those goals that set out for that day. Either pursuing self-education (via the Modular Degree), keeping up my exercise (and making progress in that regard), read when the time arises (or force myself to make sure I do it!), meditate (usually when I am waiting), and various other aspects to life.

I wanted to achieve the best version of myself I can be, and I am certainly far away from that, so why do I feel satisfied with my progress?

Well for one, the very fact that I actually made progress.

I am impatient.

I am impatient because I want to achieve my goals much quicker than I am now. I want to move away to a more tech city, I want to become a successful influencer, I want to ignite my entrepreneurship, and I want to #makeachange in the world. Truly.

I feel sometimes that since I am not doing those things yet, that I am a failure. I am simply being impatient for the course of life, as I know deep down that it will happen. I made that decision long ago, and have put forth the effort (maybe not enough) to plant the seeds of success.

I have allocated much of my life to becoming successful, much more than most people, but in my opinion much less than those who have become it. This is what drove my eagerness to improve on that regard, and hopefully still will.

I am hopeful...

I am this way because of the steps I took in the past for who I wanted to become, and back then I could barely imagine (let alone visualize) the person that I am today. I could barely comprehend the kind of person who was capable of accomplishing all that set out to on a daily basis. The concept was to become the perfect person in a way, and in reality it was more of become the perfect version of me. I only read to improve my life, and I am okay with that. I only want to move forward in life. That sole desire has lead me down this path, and my conflict of interest stemmed from the idea that perhaps I was missing out by being this way.

However I realize that by becoming this obsessed person of success, that it will be the reason I will be successful. Dramatic sounding I know, but it is not the opinion of others that should concern me, so I don't care if it is dramatic it is the truth. A wise man once said "I don't hear the haters, but I also don't hear the people calling out I love you. Because the only voice that matters is my own".

Believe in yourself and there is nothing you cannot achieve. #obssessed