Edit: This originally was posted on the blockchain Fireside Blog, and so it gives a delve into my personal struggles.
When I meet new people my emotional aura you could say, is quite strong. That can be rather off putting to many people, and has been a reason for many issues in my life.
I've spent all my life being a talker, a chatter box, but in the past decade I've spent countless hours learning.
Learning about emotional awareness, EQ, micro-expressions, body language, vocal tonalities, personality types, and much more. This has helped me tremendously, and a decent amount what I learned comes rather naturally now. Although I need to do better at listening to the signs, as I often over analyze. This being said many connections no matter how strong they may start being, often fall to the wayside.
I'm not sure if it is my lack of consistency with people, as I am obsessed with making PolyInnovator successful. That responsibility alone takes up most of my time, let alone work and family.
The real kicker is that I naturally have a strong personality, and that comes off pretty strong to others daily. Many quickly realize that I mean well, and that my intentions are pure. Usually it is my gregariousness that drives me, and that often occurs in environments where people know me. The community aspect helps me because other people often explain that I am simply eccentric.
However, when combining that with emotional pit of a heart, there is a longing for others. That drive for love is inherent to my nature I believe, or at the least a response to my troubled past. This song is what got me thinking on this train of thought:
"cause I keep mistaking loneliness for love"
"anything at all not to feel alone"
-The Loneliness for love
The Desire for Connection
Take that longing for others, both platonic and romantic, and combine it with my already high level of presence. You have a combination for coming off strong. Not to say I act desperate, for I know my place, and I am not going to be needy. Just simply aware of others, and I take into account the potential for friendship. I don't just ignore it like many people do, and that is both a grace and fault.
I often make friends in men and women both, and all in between, which can get me in trouble. Mainly because even when I am completely platonic, even radically honest about it being platonic, there is this societal norm that men are always eager. When it doesn't have to be that way, people of different genders can be friends. I simply just like people, and I want to help as many people as I can.
That eagerness is for a positive action, the compassion to help, and yet I in trouble for it.
Anyways c'est la vie.
