Why I am Who I am

I am stressed. I am upset. I am for all intents and purposes struggling.

In my life I have been lucky enough to know what I what to do in my short time on this planet. Even from a young age I had a semblance of what it was, and as I got older it only became more clear.

I can't explain or truly articulate what I envision, and really I shouldn't. As they say "don't share your plans", as people might go against you.

The prospect of failing is a non-starter for me. It is not that I find myself to be all so important, but rather what I aim to achieve in this life is so important. I have a dream...

One that sees me waking up, walking to the balcony, and gazing over a sterling city of the future. I can't express how real it feels to me, even just in memory now. Am I a futurist? Probably not, but I do want people to look back on me the way they do my hero, Leonardo Da Vinci. I want them to say, "Oh how did he accomplish so much??", and express the ideal that they want to achieve as much as I did. Just as how I feel about Leonardo.

Perhaps this is how Walt Disney felt with his original concept of EPCOT, or Jacque Fresco with the Venus Project.

The fact that I still am where I am now, who knows how many years later. Yet I feel that so much time has gone by. I know that as I age it will only go faster and faster. Time perception is a bitch.

Everything I do is of what my future will bring.

Going down this rabbit hole late at night, isn't really the best idea. However I need to decompress my thoughts somehow, or I'm going to explode.

The phases of PolyInnovator, are just that: phases. One after the other, some might overlap, they might come back, and others are temporary. It isn't that I want to do everything, but rather I see how they intersect. I want to achieve the best possible ending, and this is how I have to do it.

I know I am good enough to try, but I need to execute the dang actions.

I'm behind in a lot of ways simply put because I couldn't execute properly.

Strategy + Automation x Execution = Success

Every year I feel like I am behind, as if there is this cosmic scale of progress in the multiverse. And there are versions of me that are doing what needs to be done, even when they're tired, even when things are tough.

This makes me feel worse, as I know that somehow I could be doing better. Sure its probably not wise to compare myself to theoretical versions of, well me. Although it does help paint a fuller picture, and it shows what COULD be.

No matter how hard I try I can't seem to catch up.

I am excited for where I am headed, and I am doing the things that I want to do. So at least there is that. I am who I am because I have things I know that I want to accomplish. When in life that happens I am not sure, but the sooner the better.